Thursday, July 29, 2010

the things we do for love

emily's pinewood derby is tomorrow.  this year, we decided to make her car at home.  hubs was all about giving her a great car.  last year's performance was less than stellar, and he couldn't have that!  ok people, what you are about to see is ALL my husband's handy work! (ok, i did the painting, but only so it could be ready for him when he got home from work!)
now that's a daddy's love!!

i wanted to say a quick thank you for all of the hugs and kind words yesterday.  i'm feeling better, and have a smile on my face again. <3

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

a breakdown

yeah, a big one.   last night i literally sobbed my eyes out while cooking dinner and explaining to hubs what was going on in my head. 

i tend to bottle things up because i don't want hubs to worry.  i think my issues are my own--that i am alone.  i know that is the furthest thing from the truth. 

i'm not sure where to begin.  i think david has really hit his stride with the "terrible twos".  some days he is just.horrible.  i mean, to the point where i want to stuff him in a closet--or better yet, i'd rather hide in the closet!   he's really been wearing on my nerves.  i never had to go through this with emily...i think i may be in shock.  we stay in the house.  i am afraid to take him out in public.  he leaves me crying and mortified in the car when i do take him out.  the other day we went grocery shopping with my mom, and he wouldn't get out of the freakin car!  he is really trying to assert his independence...and i'm really trying not to kill him.  its overwhelming. 

emily is doing terrific in school.  but i still find myself going through periods of grief...even anger.  why her?  why our family?  haven't we been through enough?  i worry about her future.  will she transition into a regular school?  will the kids be mean to her? (btw, i had a terrible school experience-from middle school, all the way through high school.  that's where my paranoia comes from!)  will she get married and have kids?  i mean, these are things that every parent worries about, i suppose...but for me, it seems so magnified right now.   sometimes its hard to just "take it a day at a time."

hubs is looking for a part time job.  he has an interview on friday with target.  his hours are just not picking back up @ his full time job.  he was looking into another job--that would have been great--but they have decided to not hire anyone right now.  i have so much guilt that he is the one getting the job.  but we both agree that it would be better for me to stay home and hold down the fort.  i think its important to be with the kids, but its going to be hard to not see hubs as much.  i keep telling myself its temporary.  when david starts preschool in about 8 months, i'll be getting something part time.  but when i think about it, it makes me sad.  my only experience with work since i was 16  is as a cashier or receptionist.  the two jobs i hate most on this earth.  i want to do something that i love.  i'd love to be creative.  but it takes some $$ to be creative.  i have an associates degree, but what the heck am i supposed to do with that?

i want my kids to be proud of me.  i'm so hard on myself.  i think i'm a terrible mother, a terrible wife.  i know that neither of those things are true, but can we say "low self esteem".  what's up with that?    sigh. 

the bottom line is that i love my kids and i love my husband. but i need to love myself more and give myself some credit.  AND i need to tell hubs what's going on--he probably thought he was going to scrape me off the kitchen floor last night!! 

Monday, July 26, 2010

a cool treat

on saturday night we had our friends, sissy and brother in law, and my brother over--so mommy could get a little adult stimulation!  i'm going to make more of an effort to do this on a regular basis, it seriously helps my all around well being!!  we went easy for dinner.  just burgers, some potato salad and a couple of bloomin' onions!  oh so yummy!

we were right in the middle of a very disgusting heat wave, so i was NOT turning my oven on!  i wasn't sure what i was going to make for dessert...until i remembered about my ice cream maker that i had only ever used once since receiving it as a wedding gift--almost seven years ago!!  here is the recipe i used:

Chocolate Chip mint Ice cream
1 cup whole milk
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 cups heavy cream, well chilled
1 tsp peppermint extract
4 squares of baker's chocolate chopped fine(or use chocolate chips!)

In a medium bowl, whisk to combine milk and sugar until the sugar is dissolved.  stir in heavy cream and peppermint.  turn on ice cream machine and pour mixture in.  let mix until think, about 25-30 minutes.  during the last 5 minutes, add chocolate.  Transfer into a freezer safe bowl, and place in freezer until ready to use.

that's it!!  now, i couldn't just have the ice cream!  so to make it even more delicious, i made some homemade magic shell!  you'll need:  1 1/2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips and 1/2 cup coconut oil(measured while solid).  microwave for one minute(depending on your microwave), let stand for a minute or two, then stir until smooth.  pour over ice cream, or store it in the frige--you'll need to microwave again until smooth.
*you can also use butter in place of the coconut oil.

now, grab a can of whipped cream, a box of waffle bowls, some sprinkles and cherries...and you've got yourself dessert! 

Monday, July 19, 2010

nice weekend

i love my hubs...lyme and all! he stayed with the kids ALL day on saturday so i could teach my sister to use her sewing machine! i really hadn't planned on being gone all day, but time flies when you're having fun! we hemmed her curtains...then she washed them, and the backing melted together...perhaps we should have washed them first to save ourselves the time on hemming...but we tend to do things, curtains in the garbage, i brought over an apron pattern, and i showed her how to lay it out. at the end of the day, we got the whole bottom of the apron done! she was so proud of herself...and she should be--she did a great job! she is now just as in love as i am with sewing! we're thinking of starting a blog together detailing our sewing adventures! not sure when that will happen...but it will at some point!

mom and dad stopped up for a quick visit yesterday. with emily in school, we don't get to see them as much. i miss seeing my parents on a daily basis. just because i'm a mom, doesn't mean that i don't want to see them all the time too!

how is this for teamwork...hubs and i changed david's poopy diaper at 10:00 last night, and he never woke up!! love it.

i have to start taking more pictures! i don't even have anything to throw in this post! oh, i've got about a few things i'm loving this summer?

my new "summer curtains"  i'm thinking about making curtains for every season!  these were super easy!
sweet baby ray's barbecue sauce--any flavor, on anything!!
fruit salad...pretty much the only way i get fresh fruit in my mouth!
dunkin donuts blueberry coffee--iced or hot...num num!
last but, certainly not least...a glass of ginger ale with gooseberry patch's fruity slush cubes!!  hubby even likes this! 
Fruity Slush Mix(from Gooseberry Patch's More Gifts for Giving)
4c sugar
4c water
6 oz can frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
1/2 c lemon juice
46 oz can pineapple juice

combine sugar and water in a medium sauce pan; heat over medium low heat until sugar is dissolved.  add orange juice concentrate, lemon juice and pineapple juice; stir until blended.  fill 6-7 ice cube trays w/ mixture; freeze until firm.  remove cubes from trays and store in plastic bags in groups of 8-10 cubes.  freeze up to 6 months.  makes about 8 servings.

fill glass with frozen cubes; add ginger ale to cover.  let stand a few minutes and stir before serving.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

lyme sucks

after having another 45 cc's of fluid drained off of his knee yesterday, its swollen again. oh, and he informed me that the first draining was nearly 60 cc's, not the 20 that i originally thought.

the orthopedic doc doesn't like that the fluid is still cloudy. after hubs told him that he didn't get the warm fuzzies from the primary care doc about the diagnosis, his ortho went above and beyond. he called a lyme specialist that he knows in the area, and was able to put him on stronger meds. we also will be making an appointment to see that specialist in two weeks...thank goodness, he happens to take our insurance!!

hubs called me this morning saying that he can barely walk on it. he doesn't want to leave work. he's upset. he knows that we need the money, but he also does have sick/vacation time. he's afraid that if he uses all his time up for the knee crap, that he won't be able to take time off for emily's next break in august. the lyme is not making this easy. i told him to talk to his boss and maybe he can put him behind a desk for today. his boss has seemed pretty understanding about it all.

i'm waiting for him to call me back to let me know the plan.

lyme disease--you can bite my ass, thanks.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

can't take the heat

no, really...i can't take it!  i HATE summer weather!!  i would so much rather be cold and get warm, than to be sticky and hot with no reief!  ok...we do have air condidtioners...but they give me a stiff neck and dry eyes...ok, enough complaining....

i have to go get emily new sneakers today!  its kind of a bummer when all she can wear are high top sneakers.  i(or my generous sissy) always order them on line, because most stores don't sell comfortable, supportive high tops.  i used to have to pass up all the cute little low tops!  that is, until emily's teacher sent home a note yesterday saying that they would like her to try low tops to give her ankle a little movement!  WOO HOO!  say no more!  i'm going to go with my mom, she offered to buy them for her.  we had planned on taking david, but hubby stayed home from work today.  his knee swelled up again...oh...i'm not sure that i've written about this yet...

hubs had been having trouble with his knee for a little while. he's always kneeling @ work, so we figured it was just from the stress he was putting on them.  until the day before my sister's wedding...he noticed that it was swollen...really swollen.  i made him go to the doctor.  he drained 20 CC's of fluid from it!!  the doc said it was the most fluid he's seen in a LONG time...great.  it also wasn't the right color to be a knee injury...even better.  some blood work later, and we discovered that hubs has Lyme disease.  fabulous.  he's on the routine meds, and will have his blood rechecked, but hubs did not get the warm fuzzies from his doc about it...lets face it, after some research, docs in NJ are trained to give robotic answers to your serious lyme questions.  fortunately, or unfortunately i should say, i have a friend that has chronic well as her ENTIRE family!  all five of them have it!  she's been doing massive amounts of research--because she's good like that...and its really not as simple as some meds and blood work.  sigh.  so i myself will be doing some research, and most likely trying to find a lyme specialist that takes our insurance--and they're hard to come by...ugh.   oh, and the kids and i will surely have to be tested as

so back to sneaker shopping...i'm going to ask hubs to stay home with david so i can have some time to myself.  david was a monster yesterday...mama needs a break!

in other news, kohls is having a contest to give 20 schools $500,000 through the kohls cares program!  you get 20 votes total, and can vote up to 5 times for one particular school. here is the link:

i would greatly appriciate it if you could stop over and share some of your votes with Special Childrens School!  thanks! <3