back to school

today is emily's 2nd day of school. yesterday was a total disaster!! she was so ready to get back(secretly-or not so seretly-so was i!) i got her up @ 6:30 for her 7am bus pick up(ugh), she put on a brandy new outfit, had her breakfast, and off we went out to the driveway to await her chariot. it was around 6:50 when we got outside-i like to leave enough room in case they are a tad early. around 7:20-still no bus. at this point it was just chilly enough that emily's sweater began to fail her, and her lips were a light shade of blue! i attempted 2 calls to the bus company with no answer. i made a mad dash for the house to grab the car keys, so we could wait in some heat! this same scenario happened on her first day of the summer program, so i really wasn't all that surprised. i made a call to the bus co again, and her bus aide-nothing. emily is in tears at this point with a "where the hell is my bus" look on her face. i finally got through to the bus co, and the woman informed me there would be no bus service today...ex-squeeze-me?! supposidly emily's school never got back to the bus co to let them know a start date, so they assumed they'd be starting with the rest of the district on the 3rd(today). for the looove of all that's holy. so i bring emily back into the house--she was totally crushed. david was screaming by now, so i fed him and got him dressed. i called the school just to make sure i wasn't cracking up..."today is the first day of school, right?" after that was confirmed, i threw two screaming kids into the car to take her to school. yee haw, what a morning. luckily they were able to arrange for her to have an afternoon bus, so i didn't have to drag david back out.




oh, and we had her appt with the neurologist on tuesday. it went really well. we are going to get an eeg(moniter her brain waves)--he doens't think that's where the answer lies, but he's doing it to be thorough. and he's sending us for genetic testing. we'll meet back with him in october for a follow up to review the tests and plan our next move. finally, a doctor that is helping instead of blowing us off!! :o)

getting over it

ok, yesterday's post was a downer. i'm over it, i love my sissy--i'm sure we all have our moments. i'm also sure that we'll be chatting on the phone before the day is over.

so today i'm focusing on the positive--my kiddies. as stressed as i get over them, they always make me smile. i love to smile, people know me for it. i'm not usually one to not have a smile--most of the time...hey, no body is perfect(yesterday is a great example)! even when david is being terrible, getting into things i just look at him and my heart smiles.

i need to focus on emily for a bit. that little girl has worked harder than any adult i know. i'm not just saying it because i am her mother, either. when we brought her home from the hospital, we thought we had won the baby lottery! she slept through the night immediately! we were actually dreading it because of all the horror stories that our veteran parent friends had told us! we were practically gloating, and throwing it in their faces. when she was around 6 months old, we started to think how odd it was that she never really played all that much...she was a sleeper. we just blamed it on her father--who could sleep through a natural disaster! we mentioned it to the dr, but he assured us that all babies develope at their own paces...not to worry. we were trying tummy time, and all of the usual things that you try to do with babies...with not much success. at 8 months she still wasn't rolling over or sitting, but she was a big baby...she had "more to try to move...don't worry". this went on until she was 18 months and still not rolling, sitting or attempting to walk...but she was still our good little sleeper. since then, hubby and i have concluded that she slept through some major developmental moments. she has seen 3 neurologists--the first told us she was probably just being "lazy". he did do an MRI that came back normal, but that's all we got out of him. jerk. the next one was doing an evaluation for the school district. we were on the same page about everything--she was great! however, she was only doing the eval for the school, and did not take our insurance. the 3rd neuro came by the 2nd's recommendation. we were also on the same page, and were ready to schedule extensive testing. until someone dropped the ball on her end. we never got our call to schedule the tests...and not one call-of our many-was ever returned. so on tuesday we will see our 4th neurologist. i am jaded. medically, she has been put on the "back burner" since she was 6 months old. its frustrating. her course of treatment will probably not change...therapy, therapy, therapy...but, why did this happen to her? could it happen to her children, or david's? by the way, david has always been about 2 months ahead of his milestones.

emily started early intervention services when she was about 22 months old(after all of the paperwork and evals that they have to do). she received physical therapy, occupational therapy, developmental intervention, and speech therapy...8x's per week! when she turned three in march, our school district found a special needs preschool that operated 15 minutes away--in the same town. i was terrified to let my 3 year old go to school, 5 days per week, 6 hours per day...and have to take the bus!! i was a wreck for a few weeks leading up to all of this. but emily continues to amaze me. she loooves school, loooves the bus, and everyone loooves her. i am so proud of her! yesterday, she took two steps on her own. she fell, but the point is that she tried. she's ready, and it won't be much longer before she runs to give me a hug, and is able to tell me that she loves me. i get tingles just thinking about it. i am so impressed by her, by a three year old.

its been a long difficult road, but she reminds me everyday to keep trying.

in mourning

i am not mourning a death...thank goodness. i am mourning something different. its hard to explain, but i'll try. i am a twin. we may look exactly alike, but the older we get-we couldnt' be more different. she is my best friend, first room mate(we'll-wombmate), confidant, laugh-till-i-cry buddy...she is everything to me. i'm having a verydifficulttime adjusting to the different roles we are taking as adults. by no means is she doing anything wrong! don't get that impression. here's how it is...i've always wanted to be a wife and a mother(check!), she's always wanted the wife part--but absolutely NO KIDS! (i also have a younger brother, and its doubtful that he wants children either) my hopes of being an aunt have been dashed. she is so anti-kid! some of the remarks she makes hurt my feelings. i've told her, but she laughs it off. she can be somewhat insensitive. that brings up another issue...money! while i am a stay at home mom, we do struggle financially. we've taken a good hard look at things, cut back...its still not easy, but now we are managing. when i'd tell her of my woes, she'd tell me to get a job. emily was receiving therapy 8x's per week, and hubby picked up massive amounts of over time. again, she hurt me. its like she doesn't see my side of things. i'm not saying that a job isn't in my future, but at the time of that conversation--it definitely wasn't--and she knew that. did i mention, that she will not babysit my kids? so its not like she said, "why don't you get a job, and i'll watch the kids for a few hours?" now that the kids are a tad older, she will play with them. she has ideas of being the "cool aunt"--but when they are old enough to not change diapers or drool...she reminds me that she "can't stand bodily fluids" regularly. today was the straw that broke my back. i had called to ask my mom if she wanted me to make meatball subs for dinner. my dad would be at the hospital(grandpa is due for surgery, but there have been some complications). she answered the phone with such an attitude!(mom was driving-so my sis answered the phone)finally after listening to her attitude, i said "what is your problem?" she replied-with more attitude "i'm tired!" hellooooo..."so are all of use!" she gave me a "jesus christ"...and i hung up on her...and cried. she is very self involved, and i'm over it.

i'm fine with her choices, but respect mine for goodness sakes! i have a hard time talking with her about my long days with the kids. i can no longer talk to her about money. and i don't care how tired she is, because she hasn't walked a day in my shoes. i.am.over.it. and it makes me sad. our relationship is evolving, and i'm sure we'll find a happy medium one day. its very hard to be a twin, we have shared experiences throughout our entire lives...and now its all changing. sometimes it feels like she doesn't even support me. this is tough. maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion, sometimes we both let our emotions get in the way. this has been brewing for a while though.

can't wait to get out

i hate feeling trapped in the house! off to mom and dad's today. the little man is still sleeping. he was up and down last night. at one point he was screaming at the cat! so i wasn't surprised when i was up before him!! aaah, i little quiet time before the hurricane hits! ooh, i forgot to check our lottery ticket. i'm sure we're big losers as usual. we're never even close!!

last night i baked, what i'm calling, triple dipped chocolate zucchini cupcakes...i will now share.............

Triple Dipped Chocolate Zucchini Cupcakes
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
3 cups grated zucchini
3/4 cup chopped walnuts(i left them out this time--didn't have them and i was too cheap to buy some!!)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch baking pan.
In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Add the eggs and oil, mix well. Fold in the nuts and zucchini until they are evenly distributed. Pour into the prepared pan.
Bake for 50 to 60 minutes in the preheated oven, until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool cake completely before frosting with your favorite frosting. *i did cupcakes, it made about 24...bake for 20 mins.*

(next time i make these, i may cut out a 1/2c of the oil--maybe replace with some apple sauce--my papers were a tad oily when they were done)

Chocolate Ganache
16 oz Milk chocolate chips
2/3 c plus 3 tbs heavy cream

pour chips into bowl. heat heavy cream in a sauce pan over med heat, until small bubbles just start to form...watch it closely--it will get away from you if you're not paying attention...trust me! pour cream over chips and let stand for 2-3 mins. start mixing with a whisk until there are no traces of cream and the chocolate is shiny. let sit for about 10 minutes. dip cupcakes. wait 10-15 minutes between each dip.(i took a shower, looked at some old pics with hubby).



i was only going to double dip these, but i couldn't let all of that ganache go to waste ;o). although, it is quite yummy reheated and poured over some ice cream!!
ugh, maybe one day i'll lose these last 20 lbs!! lol hope you enjoy!

neck ache; day:

i lost count! oh this sucks! for about a week now i've woken up with such a stiff neck! it hurts right at the base of my head. i'm thinking i'm going to bite it and buy some new pillows. i really do need them badly. one of them has had a blow out for months now. i've just been nursing it along. i think its time. i hope that's the answer...as i said...this sucks! especially when the little angel is getting into something. i have to turn my whole body to see what he's doing--instead of the sly over the shoulder peek! oh, and my shoulder is still jacked up from bowling the other night!! i'm falling apart. i think someone will have to scrape me off of the floor when i start working out again next week!

i think its time for hubby to child proof the upper drawers in the kitchen. we have all of the lower cabinets and drawers done, but i guess hubby never thought that david would be tall enough to reach the other ones...der! there isn't anything that can hurt him, but i'm just sick of him pulling all of my baking stuff out. its either a fight to make him put it back...or i have 2X's the dishes at the end of the night!

yesterday was a good day with the kids. they were both a little whiny, but over all, no meltdowns. their schedules worked out so they didn't see each other much during the day. david took an awesome nap, i was thrilled! haha, so today i'm sure he won't take such a good one! that's the pessimist in me! emily and i colored after breakfast. she doesn't color much, its more like her taking my crayon--then trying to hold as many as she can in one hand!! haha she also likes ripping the pages. she's always been into paper...i get the best laughs out of her and all i have to do is rip paper!! who needs toys?!


while emily was napping, david and i got the meat loaf together for dinner. well, it was more like me trying to get it done while he was watching his imagination movers dvd!! i did pretty well!! haha, very few interruptions! his new thing is hopping into the computer chair. somehow he managed to get himself over the the desk--where his banana was sitting. he did pretty well eating it himself. until the end. he shoved about 3 inches--give or take--into his mouth!! i thought for sure the hymlick was in our future, but he got it all down. i won't be letting him do that again! i'll cut it up next time.


we'll be heading to my parents' house for the day tomorrow. that should be fun. i think i'm going to make some chocolate zucchini cupcakes to bring. i finally got a zucchini big enough to use! my garden isn't doing very well this year. hardly any tomatoes or zucchini. the beans are doing well though. i think all the rain we got didn't do them any good! oh well, better luck next year!! haha

refreshed...i hope

i've had the worst "mommy brain" recently. i mix up my sentences, lose my train of thought-frequently, and forget what i did yesterday! i was never like this! so the kids had their sleepovers on friday(well, emily's started on thursday for reasons explained in one of my last posts--see, i don't even remember when i wrote that one!)

hubby and i went to chilis--oddly enough, we'd never been there before. it was so yummy! i'm not really about the spicy stuff, but everything i had was pretty mild. i'd definitely go back!! mm, my mouth is still watering when i think about those little sliders! then we went bowling!! holy cow, we haven't done that in soo long!! a good 8 or 9 years! it was so much fun. too bad the chilis kicked into high gear on poor hubby about 1/4 way into the second game!! he was sweating like a you-know-what in you-know-where!! he managed to squirm his way through one more game. i felt so bad for him!! i think he would have left after the second game, but we paid for three, and he knew i was having a good time...what a guy! suffering through stomach pyrotechnics so i could spend a little more time out of the house!! we actually ended up speeding to my parents' house--it was way closer than our house!! emily was already in bed, so i hung out with my mom for a few minutes. it looked like emily had taken her around the block a few times...she's the best grandma! so after hubby's 2 trips to the bathroom, we finally went home; where chilis continued to make us both suffer(i only had a stomach ache, lets get that clear!!) it was sitting so heavy in my belly! so we went to bed romance-less on date night--if ya catch my drift--and i think ya do!! ;o) --i'd still go back, but i think we'll both be a little more prepared for it!! lol i made him go grocery shopping with me on saturday morning. i like taking him, he talks me out of the crap we don't need!! i'm usually pretty good...i stick to the budget!! before we knew it the kids were home...and ready for naps!! david is soo cranky when he comes home! its a small price to pay for a little sanity though!

that night we made some strawberry smoothies. i found this packet of stuff in the produce section--that hubby couldn't talk me out of! so we played monopoly(disney version) and had our smoothies!

sunday was a blur, and here we are at monday! its emily's last full week of vacation. hopefully she's better this week--and hopefully i'm a little better equipped to deal with it if she's not!! hubby is taking a few days off at the end of the week to help my dad repair their porch. next monday we'll try to take them to the zoo or something. so at least emily can "say" she did something fun on her vacation!!

baking is my therapy

we had a very rough afternoon today. i really would rather not get into it, we're all starting to feel better. i will say that there was crying from kids and mommy, and then even more crying when a certain little boy turned on the dust buster by mistake! ugh! i hate days like this--i knew it would be coming, the last 3 days had been pretty quiet. i feel terrible as a mommy that i can not make my little girl feel better. another day under my belt, and we march forward once again...

so emily went a day early to grandma and grandpa's for her sleepover. my sweet-loving-knows when i'm at my limit-mommy called me up and told me that my dad would be swinging by to pick her up, and to pack her for 2 days. i love my mom! i feel a little defeated, but i knew i was due for a break. david is going to aunt cindy's for his sleepover tomorrow. hubby and i will have a date, so i'm looking forward to that. i don't know how other mom's do it that don't have a great support system like i do.

so i baked. baking makes me feel good. the kitchen all.to.myself. david went to bed, hubby went to the firehouse...and i baked. i'm relaxed now. the humidity didn't do much for the looks of my chocolate chip cookies, but i don't even care--they taste good! i'll be sending most of them with david to aunt cindy's tomorrow. lord knows that i don't need 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies staring at me all day! i packaged them in a store bought cookie container...yes, i said store bought! hubby brought them home from the firehouse last week--they had tons left over(probably cause they were store bought --tee hee) ok,ok, so i had one, but i had to test it!! i hung on to the container. wasn't sure what i was going to do with it, and ta daaa---perfect for sending off my yummies tomorrow!


i'm in my happy place. david is sleeping soundly, emily is in the best hands...and all is right with the world once more.

oh and i picked these lovelies for dinner last week, had to share!