this factory is CLOSED

not too long after david was born, hubs and i decided that our baby makin' days were over.  we are happy with our one girl one boy situation.  financially, it would not be a wise choice.  also, our kids are at complete ends of the spectrum.  you've got emily with her delays, and david-21 months going on 21 years!  i remember how utterly exhausted i was for the first 6 months after david was born.  emily was getting therapy 8Xs/week, and he was not a very good night time sleeper.  i'm sure you all know how it is.  all you can do is cry.  i should say that i also got a case of the blues after each birth.  i love love love how they are growing.  they are so different, but both bring so much joy to our lives. 

as i sat on the couch a few days ago, david was playing nicely with his toys--that doesn't happen alot--and emily was at school.  the thought popped into my head, "i think i can do this again".  WHAT was i thinking?!  i couldn't even believe that it was MY thought. 

i think i'm at a stage where the kids are getting older(emily will be four march first, and david will be two on may 9th), and i'm missing that teeny tiny stage.  the smells, the sounds, the little butts in my hand.  then i remember the reality of our situation.  i never wanted to have kids in my 30's(personal choice).  i'll be 29 in april.  it took us almost a year to conceive emily...only a month with david.  the bottom line is, we are thrilled with our two angels.  maybe i should also mention that hubby was told he may never be able to father chilren.  that makes emily and david all the more precious.  i think we've got a good thing going on here.

then those bastards at pampers send me this:

so i did what any other normal mom, who is contemplating another child, would do...i smelled it, held it over my heart, patted it a little.  all the memories came flooding back from the days the kids were born.  the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

i've held onto this diaper for a few days.  smelling it and touching every once in a while.  today though, i think i will throw it away.  as emily's birthday nears, i am so grateful for our babies...and our memories.  those teeny tiny days were nice, but so are these days.  the laughter, and playing, and clapping and even the messy house are what i enjoy now. i look forward to one day to smelling and touching their babies.  in the meantime, i'll look at pictures, take out an old outfit or two...and PRAY that one of my siblings will have a kid at some point, so i don't have to wait so long!!  ok, ok, i know that my sister is out....but there is still some hope for my brother!  we just have to find him a good girl first!